Thursday, February 20, 2014

Nocturnal Invader!

Just before 9 O'clock tonight I was driving home on the Interstate, car windows down, enjoying a cool breeze and the end of a perfect day. My serenity was abruptly interrupted when an unknown object of indeterminate size flew in through the driver's window, thumped into my chest, bounced off of my lap in an unhappy way, and disappeared into the darkness! My heart jackhammered in my chest and my mind exploded in a million directions; WTF was that!? A BAT!? A VAMPIRE BAT? A fat man's stoogie? A dud Malotov cocktail? The Holy Grail? Reacting as any sane person would, I whipped out my Fenix Tactical LD22 flashlight (My pistol remained holstered. I'm not THAT big of a girlyman!).

I shined the blinding 215 lumen beam down into the murky darkness, wondering what abject horrors abounded, waiting to pounce, and wondering if I'd have to bail out of the car at 70 mph. There on the floorboards, glaring up at me in the light was the Cold Steel FXG Jungle Dart that normally nestles above my sun visor to greet any carjacker foolish enough to stick his head or any other unneccessary appendages through my car window.

Despite my mild embarrassment, it could have been far, far worse. It could have been a fucking bee. Fuck bees in cars. Fuck bees in cars with a baseball bat.

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