Monday, November 10, 2014

Oops, they did it again!

The Chicago Bears lost to the Green Bay Packers on November 9th in spectacular fashion, 55-14. Setting a new NFL record, this was the second week in a row that the Bears gave up 50+ points, It is the third time in eleven games the Bears have given up 50+ points. Previously it took the Bears 759 games to give up 50+ points in three games. This leaves the Bears at 3 - 6 so far for the season.

At game time, the Packers had the worst rushing defense in the NFL. With multiple interceptions, the Bears somehow failed to notice that.

Despite the Chicago Bears horrific losses and apocalyptic season, head coach Marc Trestman said he still enjoyed this job more than he did working at Burger King. Trestman stated everyone had to lose sometime and he was getting it out of the way for the next three hundred and seventy two seasons.

When asked about the possibility of substituting the Bears defense with Green Bay Packers fans, Trestman said he already did that.

Former Bears linebacker, Julius Peppers, now a Packer, said he thanked his lord and savior, Mike McCarthy, for letting him play with a real football team one more time before he died.

Bears quarterback, Jay Cutler said he didn't give a shit as long as he got paid and wide receiver Brandon Marshall didn't start yelling again.

Green Bay Quarterback Aaron Rodgers said he was happy to have a Bye week two weeks in a row.

Those Bears fans everywhere, who didn't commit mass suicide, said the 1985 Super Bowl champion Chicago Bears were the greatest team ever.

Bears owner, Virginia McCasky, said the Bears didn't need cheerleaders and that she'd had her nails painted green and gold.

George " Papa Bear" Halas rolled over in his grave.



Monday, October 27, 2014

Fandumb

If you were a boxing fan and your favorite boxer, Punchy Knockchop's manager or agent put out a press release that said that he was getting a bit addled, long in the tooth, and due to extensive and repeated head injuries, Punchy was going to retire, you might be a little sad. If the same source said that upon Punchy's retirement a promising young fighter named Sockem Indaface was going to take over and be Punchy Knockchop for here on out and you should continue to idolize him and pay exorbitant amounts of money to see him fight you might say something along the lines of, "WTF? Are you shitting me? That would be totally insane!" So why is it people are so fiercely loyal to professional sports teams for decades or lifetimes? For the sake of history or loyalty they will follow a losing team season after season and pay the same price for tickets, hats, jerseys, etc., as for the championship team's memorabilia and such.

I wasn't raised in a sports family, so those people look like tools and masochists to me. If you change one player, coach or trainer, it's a different team even if the essence remains temporarily. Teams are sold, move to other cities, and are renamed and people get that. Why is the rest so hard to grasp? Why do people hold a grudge against "their" teams rivals or against a team that shares the name and location of a team that beat the team that shared the name and location of their team twenty years ago?

Tribalism run rampant.

Watching sports is a fun form of entertainment. We see great feats of athleticism and it's hugely rewarding to root for and see an underdog win. I've seen sports bring out the best and the worst in players and fans, but I've never once seen a single sports hero.

If a movie star gets exposed as a drunk, drug addict, wifebeater, dog fighter, or communist, we quit supporting them through refusing to pay to see their films and they become obsolete. If a director puts out several movies in a row that bomb, we quit going to see their next one.


Professional athletes are some of the highest paid people in the world for doing something they enjoy with relatively little prior experience or training. They get paid to play. Not to win. Not to perform, to play. We, the fans, pay to see them play, and we pay to advertise for them by buying clothing, collectibles, autographs, household goods etc. with their ugly logos plastered all over them, even if they are the worst team in the league year after year. That isn't fandom. It's marketing and being a tool.

Don't even get me started on Go Fast, Turn Left NASCAR.

If your team sucks, pick another or just enjoy the sport for what it is: entertainment. You owe no professional sports team anything until they start paying you. Additionally, you owe other sports fans nothing.

If you want to support a college or high school team because the school's athletic department adds so much to the school's academics or finances, have at it.


Now that you've been deprogrammed, feel free to go outside and play with yourself.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Loyalty is Earned.

I'm on the fence. I've always said The Chicago Bears were my football team, but the last two years that I have really started learning about and paying attention to football have left me disgruntled. The 1985 Chicago Bears were my team. I met Walter Payton, Mike Singletary, Virgil Livers, Noah Jackson, and Alan Page when I was young and they were stand up guys who played for the love of the game, the team, and the fans, not just the money and their egos.

 The current Bears' Quarterback, head coach, and owner just plain suck. I didn't grow up a sports fan, so blind undying love and unquestioning life long loyalty to a group of people based on the uniforms they are wearing and where they are "from" gives me the head shakes at best, the heebie jeebies at worst. Just because the Bears are stuck with Blameless Jay Cutler for at least two more years doesn't mean fans are. We owe them nothing. If he can't pull his head out of his ass soon, it might be time to look at the other 31 teams or just enjoy the game for the game's sake although the rivalry is fun.

 Martellus Bennett, the Bears' tight end, said the fans had a right to boo them after their poor performance against the Miami Dolphins. He said their job is to entertain. You have to earn your fans. And keep earning them. Just like actors, singers, or any other entertainers.

 You wouldn't live in a condemned house just because it had some great history. Life doesn't work that way. Neither should sports fandom.


 They've got some great talent, but with poor leadership they are a constant heartache. Near weekly. The Chicago Masochists.

I've been a big Aaron Rodgers fan for some time now...

Monday, September 29, 2014

I'm a 1985 Chicago Bears Fan

I grew up around Chicago and consider myself a Chicago Bears Fan. After watching the Green Bay Packers annihilate the Bears yesterday I found myself wondering if life really was too short to be a Chicago Bears fan, especially with Jay Cutler at the helm. Now I can't blame the loss completely on Jay, our defense didn't show up either and Aaron Rodgers was his usual spectacular self. I know, blasphemy from a Bears fan. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's quarterback.

Anyway, I got to thinking about what makes a professional sports team fan a fan. There are so many parallels to religion that if there is a Hell, there'll be special seat in the eternal nosebleed section just for me. But this is about sports. The majority of the herd picks their favorite team based on where they live or who their friends and family like. Its not like high school where its your kid, the neighbor's, or you are alumni. Its the team someone has spent a lot of money putting together and placing a local label on and then marketing the hell out of them. Most aren't even local guys before getting drafted. We had Virgil Livers, a Chicago Bears CB living across the street from us when I was in high school (Go Bisons!) and I was fortunate enough to meet Alan Page, Noah Jackson, and Sweetness himself, Walter Payton. A few years later I met Mike Singletary. Those meetings, their kindnesses, and my proximity made me a Bears fan.

These many years later I look at these guys on television and they aren't my Bears. Not a one of them. Sure I like Brandon Marshall, Matt Forte, Alshon Jeffries, Robbie Gould, and the good Mr. Bennett, but I like a lot of players on a lot of teams. These Bears uniforms are similar, but so what? One personnel change and its a different team. I haven't lived in Chicagoland for over twenty years. What is my loyalty to? A memory? The best marketing team? I am a tool. Just like all of these independent badass outlaw bikers who have to wear their genuine Harley-Davidson underwear. We Bears Fans get taught to be loyal to a team that's tickets sold yesterday for an average of over six hundred effing dollars each! It was $237 each for the cheapests seats at Soldier Field and fifty bucks for parking! What blue collar worker can take his family of four to ever see a game with those prices? The owners aren't doing us any favors. Neither are the players whose salaries are so high that paying them makes getting into a game prohibitive for a majority of their fans.

We love our so called sports heroes with their great displays of athleticism, but what do they give back? Where is their loyalty to us? People like Aaron Rodgers and Charles Tillman give back to the community and it is highlighted for all to see, but they are the exception, not the rule. Why do they get paid millions of dollars to play a game they love, while our soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines often barely get by with great sacrifices and too frequently loss of life or limb?

I think it comes down to this. I like some athletes more than others. Having a favorite team invests me and keeps me interested. My team doesn't have to be the best or have the best QB, RB, WR, defensive line, etc. It just has to be mine. I will say this though, I believe in progress and I don't believe in getting bit by the same dog twice. If the owners don't love the game, the teams will suck.

I'm a 1985 Chicago Bears Fan. The Monsters of the Midway will live on forever in my heart and mind, but these Bears, I don't know. Show me something.


R.I.P., Sweetness.

P.S. Aaron Rodgers is the shit.

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Sunday, August 3, 2014

Holy Hypocrites!

I posted this happy little barb on MY facebook page as a general reminder that hypocrisy sucks and was rewarded with the standard "Don't persecute me for my beliefs" shitstorm. Funny how its still okay to persecute the Gays... Go figure.
Calling Gays sinners and persecuting them, then saying you would never intentionally hurt people or you will pray for them is insane. Its like running down pedestrians without ever touching your brakes or adjusting your steering and then blaming them for not being in the *crosswalk. 

Saint Augustine said, "Hate the sin, but love the sinner." 

I had it totally ingrained in me growing up that being gay was vulgar and despicable and that gays were beneath contempt. I still get the heebie jeebies being around gays (of both sexes) engaging in Public Displays of Affection. Guess what? That's just too fucking bad for me. No really. I can be offended or disturbed all I'd like. Its my problem, not theirs. If one set of consenting adults is allowed to do something, any set should. I don't have to like it and its none of my business unless someone is trying to force me to partake. I have gay friends and family that I love. The residual discomfort that I have from growing up in a typical Puritanical American community with our sanctioned prejudice against homosexuals is small penance compared to what others have gone through for having the audacity to be born gay and love someone of the same sex.

Gays don't want your prayers, love, or acceptance. They want you to mind your own fucking business. Get over it and get over yourself. If you don't like sick, twisted and unnatural then burn your bibles. You remember that book that says if I rape a virgin and I get caught I have to keep her and pay her pimp daddy 50 shekels for her ass. Lucky fucking her, getting to be my punishment for life. (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)

Drop the labels and judge people by what they do with one rule: Respect other's persons and property. That's it. The Golden Rule.

*Crosswalk; 

cross·walk

  [kraws-wawk, kros-] noun A very narrow and confined path from here to there within an insanely complex set of rules and a large number of blind spots that ignores all other ways and opportunities and may or may not get you to your destination without getting flattened by a random church bus, a nun on a moped, or the Hand of God.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Punish Actions, Not Beliefs.

I am disturbed, both as an American, and as a human being, by the fiasco involving the NBA, the LA Clippers owner, Robert Sterling, and Robert Sterling's disgruntled, spoiled whore of a mistress. The NBA has banned Robert Sterling from all NBA activity for life and will demand that he sell his team; his property.

I do not agree with or share Sterling's beliefs, but I argue that he has the right to them. Under the First Amendment, NONE of us should be prosecuted for our beliefs, but only for our actions when they are criminal, and not by public opinion.

No evidence has been presented that Clippers players are paid less than others in the NBA or that Sterling discriminates against them otherwise. His record of racial discrimination is public, yet everyone of these players made the decision to join his team and take his money. Ridiculously insane amounts of his money for skills that do nothing but provide entertainment in one of the least dangerous professional sports there is.

Mr. Sterling is being figuratively tarred and feathered by the press and the NBA for expressing his opinions as a party involved in a conversation in which he should have had a legal, reasonable expectation of privacy.

I think it is absolutely ludicrous that Al Sharpton should be speaking about racism with anyone. Anyone willing to speak on the same platform as him about race is questionable at best. He is a hatemonger.

Does Sterling's right to own property take a backseat to his obligations as a sports team owner and to the NBA?

The sound clips I heard seem to mark Sterling as a white separatist, not a white supremacist, but his mistress is part black and part Hispanic.

We have Black Miss America, black churches, BET (Black Entertainment Television), and People talking about forming a black basket ball league. Any disagreement with any of these brands one a racist in today's society.

I fully support Clippers advertisers' right to end their sponsorship because of the bad publicity. They, like any sports team is a business. There are a lot of glass houses out here. Do they ban NBA players for life and cancel their contracts for using the "N" word (which I didn't hear Stirling do) in private conversations?

We will never eradicate racism entirely as long as we remain human. We are wired for tribalism and to be wary of those who are different from us. Worshipping our sports teams is just one example of that tribalism run rampant. Spending $300 for a team jersey is a great example of the brainwashing many sports fans submit to.

It seems like it is "okay" to discriminate in America if you are in the majority, like Baptist parents prohibiting their daughter from bringing home for dinner her atheist boyfriend. Is it okay for an employer to fire a Baptist after finding out he told his daughter (outside of the workplace) he'd rather she didn't broadcast her relationship with an atheist at his workplace? What if the father is an atheist and the boyfriend is a Baptist?

I for one am boycotting the NBA for infringing on a team owner's right to freedom of speech, no matter how ignorant or misguided some of us might find his beliefs to be.

Wake Up, America!



Thursday, February 20, 2014

Nocturnal Invader!


Just before 9 O'clock tonight I was driving home on the Interstate, car windows down, enjoying a cool breeze and the end of a perfect day. My serenity was abruptly interrupted when an unknown object of indeterminate size flew in through the driver's window, thumped into my chest, bounced off of my lap in an unhappy way, and disappeared into the darkness! My heart jackhammered in my chest and my mind exploded in a million directions; WTF was that!? A BAT!? A VAMPIRE BAT? A fat man's stoogie? A dud Malotov cocktail? The Holy Grail? Reacting as any sane person would, I whipped out my Fenix Tactical LD22 flashlight (My pistol remained holstered. I'm not THAT big of a girlyman!).

I shined the blinding 215 lumen beam down into the murky darkness, wondering what abject horrors abounded, waiting to pounce, and wondering if I'd have to bail out of the car at 70 mph. There on the floorboards, glaring up at me in the light was the Cold Steel FXG Jungle Dart that normally nestles above my sun visor to greet any carjacker foolish enough to stick his head or any other unneccessary appendages through my car window.

Despite my mild embarrassment, it could have been far, far worse. It could have been a fucking bee. Fuck bees in cars. Fuck bees in cars with a baseball bat.



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