Friday, September 2, 2022

Don't Poop Where You Eat


Don't Poop Where You Eat

The modern day mature single adult might find dating in Today's savage times of social media, political correctness, catfishing, scammers, and cancel culture to be a bit more daunting than, say, Calculus or self-circumcision. There is little privacy, no quarter given, and plenty of opportunities to fall on one's noggin.

I recently asked on a local facebook group in the small Southern town I bought my house in where one can go to meet single people other than church or bars. The response was "other churches and bars". Neither is my cup of java nor are coffee houses.

I started a facebook group for local mature single adults with the focus being socializing and building community, rather than dating or finding one's soulmate. Part of that is a residency requirement of living in the town or within 25 miles of it because it is to meet local people offline, not make new pen pals or get stuck in long distance relationships. On our group is posted the reminder: Single doesn't always mean interested or available. Some folks actually love being single, but miss regular companionship. Others like to see relationships develop more organically.

We have had about a half dozen meetups for food as well as one to see a local band and the turnout has been good with some great people. Many of us have been exposed to new activities or local events and there is talk of doing much more.

Sometimes there is a connection without sexual chemistry or all of your "must haves" for a potential partner. It'ss been nice being able to make new local friends and get offline and out into society to do things platonically. Kind of like how life used to be. It does require good communication, a little faith, clarity, transparency, and honesty with yourself and the other people. Invitations should start with a clear statement like, "I am excited about making new local friends from the group and doing more things without the pressure of dating. How would you like to join me for_____?"

Some people don't do well with platonic relationships with the opposite (or desired) sex. One person can develop stronger feelings without the other realizing it and end up getting trapped in the dreaded Friend Zone, so some caution and situational awareness is prudent.

If one is honest with oneself, they know their reasoning for joining such a group. Whether it is to make new friends in this post-COVID 19 era or to scope out the hotties. 
Some are here to find a partner or spouse regardless of what they say. Playing the field will not be a viable option because very quickly almost everyone will know everyone else in the small but growing community and if you're playing games, looking for hook-ups, notches in your bedpost, or being less than honest, word will spread quickly and you will be called out and probably cast out.

I remind myself that I value these people as friends. Of course, like most anyone else, I would prefer to socialize with some more than others, and some people might not like that very much. Or me very much.

There is an old adage, "Don't Poop Where You Eat." If you decide to date a coworker, neighbor, or a fellow member of any group or organization that you are active in, there is the potential for things to not work out or even get bad or ugly and then one or both of you wind up very uncomfortable and end up losing the group as well as each other. 

I like with our group that I am able to see how people interact with others without being stuck on a date with a "virtual" stranger. It pays to do so and not be in a hurry for an instant relationship or to risk losing some of the new friends or potential new friends by jumping the gun and treating it like a dating site. There are a lot of lonely people who have gotten divorced, became widowed, relocated, or found themselves empty-nesters who just want to belong someplace local and to feel a part of society again or maybe even for the first time without any false pretense. 

I recommend starting a group like this. So far it has been a great experience and experiment. Remember to take your time.

Monday, July 11, 2022

Inked Up

I have a few dozen tattoos. Nothing on my hands, neck, face, or head, but they still close a lot of doors and people look at me like I got them yesterday. Most of the doors they open aren't ones I want to go through anymore. Tattoos = social filters.

When I was growing up men were stereotyped as criminals, bikers, skinheads/racists, anarchists, gangbangers, drug addicts, and on good days veterans or military members. It was much harsher for women. They were lesbians, scooter trash, drug addicts, and criminals. Most people didn't even think about women being in the military back then. Sadly, many of those prejudices are still integrated even among those of us with tattoos. It can be a beautiful art form, but as we age, many of our beliefs, tastes, and interests change, but our tattoos don't without getting cover-ups, laser, or surgery.

Scientists say the human brain doesn't finish developing until we are around twenty-five years old. Most of us get inked the first time long before then and get to live with our choices, good and bad, long after that.

I knew from the time I could think that I was going to get tattoos. That's probably because my dad and uncle had them. If I woke up and they were all gone, I would very likely get more, but almost all different choices and perhaps locations. They aren't me, but they are a part of me. I used to say, "I am not fat, I have fat." Tattoos, like beauty, are only skin deep, and rarely scratch the surface of who a person really is.

The End

Friday, June 24, 2022

Roe vs. Wade Overturned

SCOTUS overturned Roe vs. Wade.
They said the legality of abortion should be left up to the individual state governments and not the federal government. Horse-fucking-shit. Abortion shouldn't be a state or federal right, it should be an individual right. I am Pro-choice. That doesn't mean that I am Pro-abortion. It means abortions will continue to happen as long as people tread this earth and they should be safe and survivable for the mother. 

How many of the good Pro-life people patting themselves on the back on the news today have adopted or fostered any of the world's damaged or unwanted children? How many volunteer regularly at Big Brother/Big Sister, Rape crisis centers, battered women shelters, or provide regular meals for the millions of children that go hungry every day? Are the children who are already born and suffering less precious than the unborn? 

If all life is precious, why do we still have homeless people and so many that are institutionalized forever? Why are America's veterans still committing suicide in record numbers because they feel damaged, alone, and alienated? Let's take care of the people who are here FIRST before forcing other people to bring in unwanted ones that you personally are not 100% willing and able to care for without any government aid.

I think abortion is tragic, but any government, state or otherwise, that bans it is short-sighted, cruel, and not representing its most vulnerable population or respecting individual rights.

How would I feel if I had been aborted? I wouldn't feel and I wouldn't know what I was missing if I hadn't been born. Why bring a child into a life where they are unwanted, unloved, or unable to be cared for? If it's a matter of pleasing an omnipotent deity, they should be able to handle it if it was, after all, part of their grand plan.

#RoeVsWade #SCOTUS #Abortion #naturalrights #Libertarian #supremecourt #hypocrites  #rockcowles #kowulz #acunninglinguist

Thursday, May 12, 2022

Single AF

 I'm single and looking.

This is the text part of my Internet dating profile:

Smile! Profile pictures shouldn't be terrifying! If your facial expression looks like a bulldog that just inhaled a box of kitty litter, you're probably not going to get good results here or in life.

I'm not starting over, I'm continuing the journey. I like myself, flaws and all.

Papa. Veteran. Designer. Cancer Survivor. Gadfly. Apprentice Polymath. Advocate. Cynophilist. Stoic. Artist. Ignostic. Minarchist. Autodidact. Pastafarian. Ambivert. Patriot. Contrarian. Bibliophile. Occasional Mensan. Former police officer, sailor, and soldier. INTJ. 

I'm Dave, but my nickname has been Rock since I was a young sailor. Either one works. 

I value honesty, kindness, courtesy, intelligence, integrity, dependability, playfulness, positive attitudes, resilience, empathy, spontaneity, punctuality, great communication, a rowdy sense of humor, an open mind, and common sense. I'd like to believe I bring each of those traits to the table. I am looking for a local lady who has time for a relationship and the inclination to build one with the right person (Me!). I am a night owl, unvaccinated, and an Ignostic Minarchist. 

I've lost 115 pounds and enjoy recreational cycling and the gym.

Life is a mosaic. I have many varied interests. Some are phases and others are enduring. Family, dogs, laughter, reading, music, bicycles, movies, playing the ukulele, singing, graphic design, fitness, health, yoga, walks, flea markets, window shopping, travel, Stoicism, improv, photography, Mensa, Rubik's Cube, blogging, advocacy, people watching, meandering. I started Spartanburg Ukuleles (Ukulele Club) in late 2018 and I'm enjoying my mediocre progress immensely. My musical tastes are extremely eclectic. 

Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries. Go away before I taunt you a second time. 

We have to be attracted to each other, but I care more about your heart and character than your looks, job, income, home, or possessions. I'm not materialistic and prefer to be comfortable rather than GQ or Better Homes and Gardens. I could honestly not care less what the Joneses are up to. 

I share my home with my two rescue dogs; Girly and Darnell. They're family. 

As I am looking for someone with the potential to form a happy, long-term relationship, I prefer to meet someone in or neighboring Spartanburg County.

We could be the best thing to ever happen to each other, but unless we talk and meet, neither of us will ever know. Please send me a message, not a Like, if you're genuinely interested.

Monday, January 10, 2022

Fattitude No More

 Fattitude No More 

1996               2020                  Dec. 2021

As a young man, I was ten feet tall and bulletproof, or so I thought. Life has a way of catching up with us and sometimes bringing us to our knees in ways the Navy and Army never did for me. I developed bulging disks, Degenerative Disk Disease, Heart disease, a host of urological issues, Fibromyalgia, chronic kidney stones, arthritis, depression, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, Neuropathy, and chronic pain. I went from being a very physical and active 180-pound man, often riding a bicycle thirty plus miles a day and playing volleyball three or four evenings a week, to weighing 327 pounds, having had a heart attack, heart stents, and over three dozen surgeries, Yo-yo dieting, depressed, lethargic, and in chronic pain, and feeling like there was no way out. I locked onto the Vicious Circle Argument that I couldn't get fit because of all of my pain and issues and I couldn't reduce all of my pain and issues because I wasn't fit. Sadly, this is not uncommon.

In the midst of COVID-19, I felt I'd had enough. I had lost thirty pounds by starting smoking again and stalled there. I had used the free version of the My Fitness Pal app to lose seventy pounds before, but gained it all back and more when I quit using it. I was tired of feeling like my health was nickel and diming me to death and I was just waiting around in storage for the relief of a permanent dirt nap. I took stock of my life and the things I had to be grateful for and to look forward to and decided it was worth the effort as was I. I know plenty of morbidly obese people who live active lifestyles and that doesn't guarantee fitness. "Weight is lost in the kitchen, not the gym."

If you don't control your caloric intake, little else makes a significant lasting difference. I resumed using the free version of the My Fitness Pal app, only this time it wasn't a diet, it was an investment in myself and my family and a healthy lifestyle change. With the app, which you download onto your smartphone, you enter your age, height, weight, goal weight, and how much weight you want to lose a week. It then tells you how many calories a day you have. You can "earn" more by entering any exercising you do. It is essentially following a budget. It will give you suggestions on fat and sugar content and more, but it is your choice which, if any, to follow.

A banana is about thirty cents and a hundred and ten calories versus a Snickers bar that is about a buck and a half and 250 calories. The banana is healthier, more filling, and doesn't have the sugar crash a candy bar does. A half-pound of imitation crab legs (Pollak and other fish) is 220 calories, sweet, has no prep out of the package other than plating it, and it takes a while to eat and is thus more physically and psychologically filling.

I joined a local health club called Inman Health and Fitness. I've gotten where I hate working out just to work out, especially by myself, but they had an Over Fifties Class two days a week and Yoga on Fridays. This gave me socialization, support, cardio, increased muscle tone, flexibility, and a strong progress gauge. It helped me look and feel better. I went from 3XL T-shirts to Large or XL, from 3XL gym shorts to Large, and from a 48' waist to having 36' shorts falling off. I had a lot of support from the class and the gym owner, Gary Painter, who is a great guy and a specimen for any age.

I got where I rarely overeat and quickly learned to prepare for dining events that made tracking my intake difficult due to having no nutrition guides. I tend to eat less beforehand and guesstimate conservatively in those scenarios when making my entries. When you eat until you feel stuffed, your stomach stretches. A half hour or so later it shrinks and leaves you feeling famished and feral. I've learned to avoid this as much as possible and actually enjoy eating more.

After losing the weight, I continued to have several health issues including failure to heal from previous surgeries and was diagnosed with cancer and my activity level had to drop significantly as I had more surgeries with some serious downtime. I've kept the weight off, but look forward to returning to classes and riding my new Trek hybrid bicycle as the weather improves. I couldn't ride a bicycle to the end of my driveway before due to my weight making my knees feel like they'd explode.

I'm 57 years old now and I am here to say that you can teach an old dog new tricks and it's not over until it's over! 

Memento Vivere! (Remember that you must live!)

Iman Health & Fitness Over 50 Class May 2021

Twisted Faces - Caricature Art from Rock Cowles

Twisted Faces - Caricature Art from Rock Cowles
Twisted Faces Web Site

Kowulz on Facebook

Dave Cowles's Facebook profile

Caricatures by Rock Kowulz