You Might Be A Survivalist If: (Educational AND FUNNY)

Shared from: http://www.shtfmovement.com/jokes-humor/topic4685.html#ixzz1ZpcKcCwc

You Might Be A Survivalist If:

- You have emergency rations stored for your pets, and you view your pets as potential emergency rations.
- Bert from 'Tremors' is your favorite movie character.
- Your coffee table is actually a board with a table cloth over it, to disguise your food storage underneath.
- You've ever served MREs at a dinner party.
- You're planning to dig an emergency escape tunnel from your basement, to the nearest stand of trees.
- You've made bugout cargo packs for your dogs, and they also have their own gas masks.
- You know how to use a vacuum cleaner in reverse, to filter air in your designated bio-chem attack safe room.
- Your koi pond is stocked with tasty catfish.
- You view the nearest wildlife conservation area as a potential grocery store, for after SHTF.
- You know all the ways out the building where you work, and you have an escape kit stashed in your locker.
- You have enough ramien noodles stockpiled in your basement to feed your family for three years.
- You've made a range card for your neighborhood.
- Your ideal weekend consists of hauling a newly-completed cache container into the woods, and burying it.
- Your favorite 'self help' book is Nuclear War Survival Skills.
- When you go to McDonalds, you ask for one order of fries, with 25 packs of salt, ketchup, and mustard.
- You've numbered the deer romping in the yard by their order of consumption.
- You're a single male, but you have an emergency childbirth kit, in case you have to deal with that possibility.
- You have 30,000 rounds of ammo stashed away, and you consider this to be inadequate.
- You own more than one grain mill, and you have a kerosene lamp in every room.
- You have two water heaters in your basement, but one is a dummy that's been converted to a hideaway safe.
- When you hear animal calls on nature shows, it sounds to you like they're saying "Eat Me!", "Eat Me!".
- The box springs under your mattress are actually Rubber Maid storage containers, filled with rice and beans.
- Your basement walls are insulated with crates of toilet paper, from floor to ceiling, all the way around.
- Your group has detailed plans to take over a national forest, after the collapse of civilization.
- You have different grades of bug out bags, for different disaster scenarios.
- You bought your stockpile of grains (for human consumption) through your local animal feed store.
- You're still using up your Y2K supplies.
- While other people are saving for vacations, you are saving to get solar panels put on your house.
- You were excited beyond all reason when they came out with cheddar cheese in a can.
- You spend your spare time practicing making survival foods, like hardtack, jerky, pemmican, and fruit leather.
- You have better items in storage than the stuff you use everyday.
- You can't put groceries in the trunk of your car, because it's already full of first aid kits and Bug Out Bags.
- You've ever considered buying an above-ground pool for water storage purposes.
- Your significant other gave you another sleeping bag for Christmas, and it was just what you wanted.
- You must open the door to your pantry very carefully, for fear of a canned goods avalanche.
- You own so much ammo that you had to cache it underground, simply due to lack of storage space.
- You own several hassock-style portable toilets, for use in case flooding disrupts your septic system.
- You own enough army surplus equipment to open your own surplus store.
- You keep your survival info on computer CDs and jump drives, but have hardcopy printouts, 'just in case'.
- You've mapped out the best places to block the roads leading to your area.
- You have a backup hand pump on your water well, and more 55gal blue water drums than family members.
- You carry a pocket survival kit, knife, flashlight, and concealed handgun on you to church every Sunday.
- You keep sneaking into the woods to plant bamboo and other useful and edible plants, in strategic locations.
- You own a hand-operated clothes washer and a non-electric carpet sweeper.
- You have two of every size of Dutch oven (the ones with the legs on the bottom), and 20 bags of charcoal.
- You've sewn secret mini-BOBs into the bottom of your children's school backpacks.
- You have rain barrels at each corner of your house, and a Big Berkey filter to purify the water.
- You start evaluating people according to 'skill sets'.
- You know where the best defensive positions and lines of fire are on your property.
- You have space set aside in the fallout shelter for your chickens, rabbits, and miniature goats.
- You have a 'Volcano' stove, you know how to cook anything, and you cast evil glances at your neighbor's
annoying, yappy poodle, muttering "your day will come, hotdog" under your breath.
- You own tons of modern survival gear, but you know how to improvise crude replacements, just in case.
- You're so busy making preparations, that you own guns you haven't even had time to shoot yet.